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This is the transcript for the episode Girl Fest.


  • (Laney is in the garage playing her bass)
  • (Kin and Kon come out of Corey's guitar case and try to scare Laney)
  • Kin: Boo!!!!
  • Kon: Surprise monster!!!!
  • Laney: Nope. Not scared. Sorry.
  • Kin: Boo.
  • Kon: Sad monster.
  • (Screen shows Corey practicing on his guitar)
  • Kon: Corey, tell Laney to scream like a girl, it's cool!
  • Laney: Corey, tell Kon that you can't tell me what to do!
  • Corey: You're right Lanes. So is Kon. Screaming girls are cool. A legion of screaming girls are a sure sign that your band rocks. And I know just where to find some!
  • Kin: Crime scenes?
  • Kon: The spider factory?
  • (Corey brings out a poster of a fist and a butterfly on it)
  • Corey: The Lady Rage Music Festival. The headliner Candy Jams needs an opening act. And it could be us.
  • Kin and Kon: Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
  • Laney: Girls go to Lady Rage for legit rock from legit girl rockers like Candy. Not to scream at boys.
  • Corey : That's because they haven't heard Grojband yet! Lace up your shoes boys, we've got screaming girls to find. And then run from.
  • (The screen moves to a giant Lady Rage poster, where the screen zooms out to show Grojband singing the end of Sweet Dreams on a stage in front of Mayor Mellow)
  • Corey (Singing): Sweet Dreams!
  • (Mayor Mellow claps)
  • Mayor Mellow: Great audition! You'd be the perfect opening act for Candy Jams!
  • (Corey's face lights up)
  • Mayor Mellow: But you're not!!!
  • (Corey's eyes break)
  • Mayor Mellow: Now get out of here and never come back!
  • (Mayor Mellow brings out a poster with the female symbol on it)
  • Mayor Mellow: Lady Rage is a Lady Festival! And no offence honey, but you're no lady!
  • Corey: Wait!
  • (Screen pans over Laney who is picking her nose)
  • Corey: I think Laney is a lady!
  • (Laney gets very surprised)
  • Corey: She's full of rage!
  • (Laney realizes that she is picking her nose in front of Corey and Mayor Mellow and quickly puts her hand behind her)
  • Corey: Don't let the nose-picking fool you! She's the boss of us, really!
  • Mayor Mellow: A girl leading a band of boys, and picking her nose like a champ! You're in!
  • Corey: Eeeeeeeee!
  • Laney: Heh-Hmmmmm! A, I was scratching my nose and, B, what are you doing?
  • Corey: Come on Lanes!
  • (Corey puts his arm around Laney's shoulder and love hearts appear from Laney)
  • Corey: You wanted to shake and rock the mic! And we can't play the show any other way! You couldn't PICK a better reason!
  • (Laney approaches Corey and puts her finger near Corey's nose angrily)
  • Laney: Say pick again. Say it!!!!!
  • (The screen transfers to outside where there is a huge audience and a limousine parking. The screen then shows Trina with Mina beside her)
  • Trina: Candy Jams is here! Eeeeeeeee! I've got to get close! Mina, elbows!
  • (Mina pushes in front of many people and flings them away using her elbows)
  • Mina: There you go T! Front row!
  • Trina: Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
  • (Candy appears and walks down the red carpet)
  • Candy: Sup ladies! Who's ready to rage!
  • Trina: Candy! You're songs are so true with emotions and junk!
  • (Trina, followed by Mina, runs towards Candy, who is about to enter her room. A bouncer stops Trina from getting too close.)
  • Trina: You're first hit, I Can't Tell I Love You, is totes what I feel about a guy that I feel that way about!
  • Mina: You're the voice of her soul Candy!
  • Candy: You should be the voice of your own soul, girl! Peace!
  • (Candy disappears into her dressing room)
  • Trina: Way to mess with who is the voice of my soul is, Mina!
  • (The camera then moves to Laney walking with Grojband, possibly behind the concert set)
  • Corey: Come on! Think of all the screaming girls!
  • Laney: I will not change Grojband! Not even for a hug from a baby panda!
  • (Laney walks near Candy)
  • Candy: Rage out lady!
  • (Candy points to Corey)
  • Candy: Even if this dude can't handle it! You're music is you. Hey, I need a raging lady to open this show. Someone who does anything no matter what this guy says. Think it could be you?
  • Laney: Yeah, sure. Me and my band will bring it!
  • Candy: Hey, let's swap deeds. You boys, run along and play.
  • (Laney and Candy walk off)
  • Corey: Right away Miss Jams! Get your rage on Lanes! We'll scare up some screaming girls.
  • (Chainsaw noises can be heard in the background. The camera then shows Kin and Kon holding chainsaws and wearing masks)
  • Kon: Hahahahaha! Scare!
  • Corey: Nonono! Remember, we want happy screams like-
  • Corey (In girly voice): Ghahaha! Grojband is so cool!
  • Corey (Normally): not-
  • Corey (In scared voice): Ahhh!!!! Chainsaw maniacs!
  • Corey: or.......
  • Corey: (In scared voice): Snakes!
  • Kin: Snakes! Why didn't I think of that!
  • ( A Wicked Cool Transition appears of a snake sliding across the screen, hissing. The narrator says, 'Why didn't he think of that!'. After the transition, it shows Kate and Allie running across the pavement near a road, in front of a wall which behind is a concert)
  • Kate and Allie: Candy! Candy! Candy!
  • (Corey pops up at a ticket booth)
  • Corey: Hey, groupies! Are you here to see us rock Lady Rage! You might want to warm up your screaming muscles.
  • Allie: Grojband is playing? We actually came to see Candy Jams.
  • Corey: Well, we're opening for her! Feel like screaming yet?
  • Kate and Allie: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
  • Allie: Did you meet her?
  • Kate: How tall is she?
  • Allie: What sort of nail is she as tough as?
  • Kate and Allie: Candy! Candy! Candy!
  • (Kin and Kon appear holding real snakes)
  • Kin and Kon: Who kikes snakes!
  • (Kin’s snake bites his head, and Kon’s snake wraps around him)
  • Kin and Kon: Arrggggggghhhhhhhhh!!
  • (The snakes pull them off-screen, and starts harming Kin and Kon. Stars and dust can be seen, and many sound effects can be heard. Kon eventually manages to pull himself on-screen)
  • Kon: Ughhhh! Their pointy little teeth can hurt!
  • (Kon is pulled back off-screen by his snake. During all of this Corey, Allie, and Kate can be seen just staring at them)
  • (The screen next shows Trina sitting on Mina’s shoulders, outside of Candy’s room)
  • Trina: Candy, Candy, Candy!
  • ( Nick riding on Chloe appears)
  • Nick: Hi Trina……and Trina Jr.
  • Trina: Nick! You came to Lady Rage?
  • Nick: Nick Mallory is here to see Candy.
  • Trina: Me too! She’s the only one who knows the junk I feel about someone I know about, it’s so cool that you love her too!
  • Nick: I know. Enjoy the show Trina Riffin.
  • (Chloe, with Nick still on her shoulders, walks into the building)
  • Trina: Mina, we have to get Candy to play I Can’t Tell I Love You so me and Nick can ride into Smooch City!
  • (The screen shows Laney in a room with Candy. Laney is looking around, while Candy is on the couch, lying down)
  • Laney: Wow, rage really pays, huh? You made it big Candy!
  • (Laney looks at the picture of Nick on Candy’s mirror)
  • Laney: Is that Nick Mallory?
  • Candy: We used to date. I wrote a song about him. Then I broke it off.
  • Laney: You dumped him?
  • Candy: He was making me all soft rock. Made me want to puke.
  • Laney: Cool. Most girls are boy-crazy, but I should have known you would be tougher.
  • (Nick enters the room)
  • Nick: Nick Mallory says, hey Candy.
  • Candy: Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
  • Laney: I thought you broke up?
  • Candy: Yeah, but he’s still so cute! This boy makes me cray-cray! Hehehehehehe!
  • (Corey, Kate and Allie are standing behind the crowd that has gathered for the concert)
  • Corey: So, when we hit the stage, you can scream as long as you want. Just as long as it is loud. Cool?
  • Kate: Oh, we’ll be loud. Especially if Candy plays Mind Over Mister.
  • Corey: Let me guess, it’s a song about love.
  • Kate: Pffffttt! No! It’s about the god of rock recruiting soldiers to fight against a lord of silence!
  • Corey: Really? That sounds pretty cool.
  • Allie: And it’s about love too. A bit.
  • (The screen pans over to Kin and Kon hiding behind a bush)
  • Kin: We gotta go scarier. You should bite the head off a bat!
  • Kon: Yeah, so scary!
  • (Kin and Kon go into the bush and move it quickly over in Corey’s direction. It bumbs into Kate and Allie, where Kon gets a cricket bat)
  • Kon: I’m insane!
  • (He bites the top of the cricket bat, resulting in a hilarious-looking face. After a while, realising what he has done, Kon moves the bush back into the starting position)
  • (A Wicked Cool Transition appears where there are cricket bats and actual animal bats flying upwards on the screen. The narrator says ‘Wrong Bat (?) Transition’.
  • (The screen shows up as an image of the bouncer speaking to Trina)
  • Bouncer: Sorry, noone sees Candy Jams.
  • Trina: But I have to!
  • Bouncer: Song request, huh? Sorry.
  • Trina: Grrrrrr!!! Mina, finish him!
  • (Mina jumps towards the bouncer, and lands on his face. Mina tryes to hurt him by squeezing, twisting and scratching his face, but the bouncer doesn‘t seem to be hurt at all)
  • Mina: Honestly!
  • (The screen now shows Candy looking at Nick’s picture in her room)
  • Candy: Hehehehehehehe!
  • Laney: Ummmmmm, what about the music?
  • Candy: Oh, right, important stuff.
  • Guy Broman: Wardrobe’s here!
  • (The screen turns over to Guy, who is Candy’s manager. Candy run over to him, and the clothes rack he has brang over)
  • Candy: Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! Clothes!
  • Guy: Wear this leather jacket. It will work with the new song I wrote for you about leather jackets.
  • Candy: I hope it doesn’t have big words like the last one. Brain ouchie!
  • Guy and Candy: Hohoho!
  • (Laney walks over)
  • Laney: Wrote your song? No big words? Did you just say ‘Eeeeeee, clothes’?
  • Candy: Totes. Laney, this is manager Guy Broman, isn’t he the best?
  • (Guy’s face lights up)
  • Laney: You are saying lots about being your own girl, and you are taking orders from a dude named Guy Broman? Girls look up to you!
  • Candy: And, when looking up, they can look cute with new Lady Rage make-up, you can open my show and love my brand! Makeover!
  • (Candy and Guy jump from behind Laney, and fire comes out of Laney’s ears)
  • (The screen shows Allie and Kate talking to Corey behind the crowd, similar to last time)
  • Kate: And the Dead Roses play tomorrow; you should get their new album, Shut Up and Get Loud!
  • Corey: Man, girls have been making music for years! I had no idea!
  • (Laney appears on-screen and groans)
  • Corey: Hey Lanes, turns out girl rockers is legit!
  • Laney: Candy Jams is a boy-crazy fraud, and this festival is a sham to sell make-up! I can’t go on stage, pretending this is about music!
  • Corey: Now, we haven’t bailed out on a gig before, but you can’t sell out your own-
  • Laney: Bail!!!!!! We are going to rock the truth out and bring this festival down! I just came to tell you, we need lyrics.
  • Corey: Oh, ok! How are we going-
  • Laney: Nick Mallory and Candy Jams used to date.
  • (Laney brings out Lady Rage Backstage Tickets)
  • Laney: Give Trina these, and when she sees Candy and Nick reuniting, her backstage pass will turn to a one-way ticket to diary town!
  • Corey: Wow, you are the band leader today!
  • Laney: I know, it’s really cool.
  • (Laney runs off)
  • (The screen turns over to Kon and Kin doing a performance in front of Kate and Allie. They are wearing wizard hats and there is a cauldron next to them, in which Kin is stirring a liquid that is inside of it)
  • Kon: Let Lorgarian, Lord of Terror, be loose upon the world!
  • (Corey pops up his head from the cauldron)
  • Corey: Guys, we need to go.
  • Kon: But they were terrified!
  • Kate: That was lame!
  • (The screen goes to a screen of Mina still trying to hurt the bouncer)
  • Mina: Arghhhh!!! Ughhhh!!
  • Bouncer: You about done? Im bored.
  • Mina: I was hoping I would not have to do this!
  • (Mina jumps off and gets ready to kick the bouncer, but Corey opens the door holding the passes; Mina gets hit by the door and gets slammed into the wall)
  • Corey: Hey Trina, do you guys want backstage passes to see Candy Jams?
  • Trina: I only need one.
  • (Trina grabs a ticket)
  • Trina: Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!
  • (Trina runs inside without Mina, who is still on the wall. Trina sees Candy and approaches her excitedly)
  • Trina: Candy, you have to play I Can’t Tell You I Love You tonight!
  • Candy: Hey superfan, I was going to play that one anyway, for Nick.
  • (Nick appears on-screen)
  • Nick: Nick likes your insults about Nick.
  • Trina: How did you know how I feel? Did Mina tell you the junk that I feel?
  • Candy: Duh! It’s about him because I wrote it about him back when we dated!
  • Trina: Dated? You feel the junk I feel for Nick? I don’t even feel my own feelings? Grrrrrrr!!!!
  • (Trina enters Angry Diary Mode, before landing on the floor. Corey comes in and grabs the diary)
  • Candy: What was that about?
  • Corey: Every lady rages in her own way?
  • (The screen shows Mayor Mellow in front of a curtain)
  • Mayor Mellow: Ladies and Ladies! Get ready to rage! Let’s start off with Grojband!
  • (The curtain lifts to reveal Grojband, and they begin to perform)
  • Laney (singing)

It started with a smile.

I was happy for a while,

but I'm thinking you lied to me.

Now I'm feeling super, ultra angry.

Your words had such a ring,

that I couldn't hear a thing,

but now I see what you're all about

and I just can't sit still, I've got to scream and shout!

You're so untrue.

I see through you.

I'll yell and scream till I turn blue.

Your front's a fake, you low life snake.

To mess with me's a big mistake.

You're so untrue.

With you I'm through.

What goes around is coming back at you-ou-ou-ou!

  • (The audience cheers)
  • Laney: Thank you, but you’re cheering for a scam. Candy Jams just wants you to buy her new make-up!
  • (Laney pulls a handle and a backdrop rolls down of Candy lying on a podium)
  • Laney: Don’t let her make you over!
  • (Candy snatches the microphone from Laney)
  • Candy: It’s the make-up I use to be my own lady! Show your rage with 21 colours of gloss!
  • (Camera looks over to the audience)
  • Kate: Finally, we can look as true to ourselves as Candy Jams!
  • (Trina jumps to the front of the camera)
  • Trina: Eeeeeeeee!!!
  • (The audience races up to Candy, stampeding Grojband in the process)
  • Audience: Candy! Candy! Candy!
  • (The screen shows Corey, Laney and Kin sitting down on the stage, staggered and bruised)
  • Kin: We didn’t make a single girl scream.
  • (Kon pops up from his drum set)
  • Kon: I guess they only scream if they want to. You can’t just trick them.
  • Kin: I guess so, but we can always scare old ladies!
  • Kin and Kon: Sweet!!!
  • (A wicked cool transition shows up of a hand in a rockstar formation. The narrator says 'Wicked Cool Transition'. The screen ends up looking at the Riffin house, before showing the garage, where Corey, Laney, Kin and Kon are talking to each other.
  • Laney: How could all those girls blend into a fake image? How did I?
  • Corey: Rage makes us all blind Lanes.
  • (Spotlight shines on Corey)
  • Corey: You just see red and you can't make out any details. You don't want to. All you want is to make someone else pay because it feels so good and only at the end when it's gone, can you see what you are.
  • (Spotlight turns off)
  • Laney: Rage issues much?
  • Corey: Did I say rage? Ha! I meant make up! Thanks for coming out everyone!
  • (Corey closes garage door and the episode ends)

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